"I wish it hadn't come to me."

"I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this would have happened."
"So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All you have to decide, is what to do with the time that is given to you."
Frodo and Gandalf, The Fellowship of the Ring

It's no secret that I wish diabetes had never happened to me. I wish that it wasn't me. I wish that I didn't have to deal with this pain. I wish that I still had that old sense of normalacy. I want the comfort and luxury of being able to eat without counting carbs.

I wish that none of this would have happened.

But, through it all, I'm learning that that's not the point. I'm always going to wish that. Always. It's what Gandalf says next that matters the most. "So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All you have to decide, is what to do with the time that is given to you." I'm always going to have diabetes, there's nothing I can do about that. Nothing will ever change that fact. I can, however, change the way I look at it.

It's an opportunity. An adventure.

I would never have considered majoring in biology before I was diagnosed. I would never have had the chance to talk to and identify with many younger kids. I would have missed the opportunity to comfort a woman who's two year old daughter was diagnosed with the same disease I have.

Because you see, God had a plan through all of this. He's giving me a chance to make the difference to people, just like I've always wanted to. I'm going to defy this and help people along the way. Because I'm deciding now what I want to do with the time given to me. I'm going to work hard and become a doctor. I'm going to help people understand what's going on and show them that diabetes doesn't need to define who they are or what they do. That they can still live and do and be the people they want to be.

Yes, I'm going to do something with this time.

[on a side note, I've regained the 25lbs I lost because of uncontrolled bloodsugars. I'm back to being a healthy 120. It only took me ten months. xD]