a silent scream.

i guess i need to come out and be honest here. 

i'm not alright.

i'm not doing that great.

i'm not handling all this very well.

i'm not feeling like this is something i can do anymore.

i'm not okay, no matter what i say when you ask me.

i'm hurting.

i'm dealing with a disease.

i'm dealing with people telling me how to live my life and how i need to do things on an everyday basis and getting offended when i tell them i need to do things my way.

i'm hurting and falling apart and i'm not okay.

people don't get that i have to make my own choices with this. i can still eat that cookie. i can still go do things. i don't need to be sheltered. i don't need to be smothered. i don't need people to threaten to call the fire department on me because i'm pale. newslfash! i'm white. i'm really white. i. don't. tan.

just because i'm shaky doesn't mean that i'm going to pass out.

just because i have low blood sugar doesn't mean that i can't play games and run around and have a  good time.

just because i'm not normal anymore it doesn't mean that i'm weird or different or somebody to stay away from.

just because i have to have injections doesn't mean that i'm suddenly a bad babysitter and can't watch your kids anymore.

i'm still me.

why can't you see that?

despite everything that you think, i'm not constantly consumed with carbs and when i can eat my next meal. honestly, food doesn't even sound appealing anymore. it just means more injections and finger pricks and pain.

no, i don't have the obese diabetes. i weighed ninty-seven pounds when i was diagnosed.

no, grandma, i can't come stay with you. i have a weekly doctor's appointment now.

no, i'm not anorexic nor do i have any other kind of eating disorder. i just have to know the nutritional information now. 

i'm not a high maintenance girl, ex-best friend, i'm a girl who has to have a little bit more care in what she eats.

i am Lia. i'm me.

i'm me.

 and to the people who can see that and understand what i'm going through and support me, thank you. i'm so grateful. i love you and i need you more than you can imagine.

[this post will probably be deleted in the next few hours, i just needed to get that out of my system. i'll be fine now.]